It seems we have a limited time to be interesting to that person or before someone interrupts the conversation, we are having.
Fellow Toastmasters and honored guests.
Sometimes having conversation with someone is like being on a contestant on a game show with the clock ticking.
Most of you talk with people during your daily encounters. In fact, you probably talked to someone during the break.
Did you have a good conversation or quick conversation because the Toastmaster clock was ticking T minus 5 min.
Conversations are considered two-way streets. It's give-and-take.
Most of conversational errors are committed not by those who talk too little by those who talk too much.
Actress Audrey Hepburn said her mother told her “I” in the conversation is boring.
Some people stay in conversations too long especially at parties or social events. Some try to turn the person into their new best friend. They continue to talk and bored the person.
I have a friend, some of you may have know of her. Her name is Susan Deleo, she used to work with me at Channel 21, the TV station. Susan is an excellent conversationalist. Because, she actually listens to you. She looks you in the eyes. Susan smiles and nods, then waits for pauses and then says something. She doesn't give a advice or a solution.
In fact, a conversation with Susan doesn't last that long because she allows you to make your point.
In the article, the Art of Conversation it states the virtues of a good conversationalist.
–Really listening
–looking at the person, paying attention
–not giving advice.
Oh one more thing, don't interrupt.
Definition of “interruption” is causes a disruption in a conversation or discussion, considered rude.
An interruption is my fear when I'm talking to someone in a social setting, a party, even here at Toastmasters.
There is one type of interruption than I have experienced it is called the” swoop.” This is when I'm talking to someone, I see and feel another person (a man) wanted to talk to the same person I'm talking to, who usually a woman.
The person will almost rock like of this. Then they will charge over and just start talking to the person and mentally moving me to the side. They have swooped me.
Their confidence level is high because they have done it before and no one has said anything. They just let them talk. No one says they are being rude.
One time, I was talking to a woman I just met. I was enjoying talking to her it seems like she was enjoying talking to me. I felt my “spidey” sense tingling alerting me that someone is about to pounce and then in a spilt moment the person has swooped into our conversation. The person started taking over the conversation. Then, the woman said softly” excuse me, I was talking to Art and I would like to continue our conversation.”
The person was surprised and even shock that someone actually called him out on his rudeness. He slowly backed out and slithered away. That woman is forever imprinted in my heart. What a nice thing to do.
On Sunday, I experienced a swoop with my dad. After church, my dad and I were talking in the parking lot. I hadn't seen my dad in a week or so. So we were catching up. A man walked by and we said hello and he walked on. A few moments later, he came back and walked up to us. He swooped into our conversation and starting a new topic about his mother. I'll tell you how this turned out a little later.
There is one type of conversation interrupting I would like to discuss.
It's one that happens with in a conversation between two people. The person I am talking with tries to finish my sentence.
Here to let me give you example: I will say “I was in the grocery store in the fruit section to get some.. The person will to get carrots. I will say not carrots but oranges. I will say something else and he will again try to finish my sentence.
Our conversation takes three times longer and I get confused about what I am talking about up. Later on the person will have no idea what I said because they were not listening.It's like playing Jeopardy. Answer the question. If you do that to people you're talking to. Don't do it. It's annoying
As for the man who swooped me and my dad I let him talk for a moment. I could see my dad getting impatient and didn't want him to leave. I wanted to talk some more. So, I said politely said to the man. “It is not raining as it was before. I have a chance to talk with my dad who haven't seen in a week or so. I would really like to talk with him at this moment.” The man understood and said goodbye.
From that moment on, I refuse to be swooped on. I will speak up because I love having conversations with people. There two people here at Toastmasters I've had lunches and dinners with and I can recall what we talked about. We have had great conversations.
Esquire magazine says to be “an interesting person you have to be interested.”
That means not interrupting but listening, truly listening and paying attention.
Making a person feel better for having talk to you.That is the mark of a great conversation.
If you follow these guidelines for your conversations. Just maybe, you might not get that feeling that the clock is ticking like on a game show. Mr. Toastmaster.
Delivered May 23, 2011 at the Toastmasters 408, Youngstown, Ohio
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